A Very Distant-Future Tour of the Past Present

Roberto Bechi | Tours by Roberto

Welcome! My name is Roberto and today I will be your guide. I hope your teleportation here was comfortable. Today we will visit an archaeological site that many centuries ago was called "Italy." The inhabitants of this place, once a peninsula, were part of a larger population called "Europeans."

We’ll concentrate on one specific area, teleporting you to some archaeological areas where the traces of this ancient population are still evident. Let’s go!

“Artist rendering of ‘Ancient Tuscany’”
Image | Luca Micheli, Unsplash

Here, in this locality that was probably called "Tuscany,'' a home belonging to these primitive people was recently found, and specifically, you are looking at an environment that, as described in this archaic writing, was perhaps called "kitchen." The archaeologists have carefully studied the remains of this site and concluded that these populations were feeding themselves in abundance on other animal species which are now extinct such as wild boar, chickens, and cows. We know this from studies conducted on a mummy (called “Berluscona”), which was found in an area  northwest of Tuscany. 

From a study of his body, experts concluded that the stomach of these primitives was at least 4 times bigger than ours is today. It also appears that their food was stored in very large rooms and that it was perishable—it seems that they used rudimentary machines to preserve it. The most curious discovery is that this particular civilization had a rather bizarre and very frequent tradition of accompanying a meal with a reddish alcohol-based substance very similar to the one we use to disinfect the planet!

“A portion of the ‘archaeological site’”
Image | Khaosaming, Wikimedia Commons

Now we are in another part of this archaeological site—note the lovely decorations on what remains of the walls. This is thought to be a religious meeting place, although ancient documents  are confusing. It may be that instead, people gathered here to plan ethnic clashes with other peoples. As you can see, here there are still the remains of stones (called “marble”) that were part of a floor that was very large and therefore indicates that they did not yet have the basis of virtual technology.

Nearby, more remains of mummified bodies were found inside an oblong, curved container, as yet unidentified, but with “Chianti” inscribed on the outside (perhaps the name of a noble lineage?) The limbs of these mummies were ten centimeters longer than modern man. Some experts have speculated that these individuals did not communicate through technology but instead used sounds created by their bodies as well as using their upper limbs to create coded gestures. 

Here instead is an area that was located some distance from the city center. Note these large pits. Traces of a solid organic substance were found inside of them, which we believe was once liquid. Perhaps humans stored it in order to burn it; it is unclear whether they used it to warm themselves or to move around using a sort of combustion vehicle. Remnants of wheeled metallic objects are found throughout the site. 

It’s hard to imagine a society so different from ours.

Now, for the highlight of our tour, I would like to communicate to you…to communicate to you…to communicate to you…

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